Forgiveness
by Atra Luminarium
Summary: Friendship can last through many hardships, but can love? Remus knows the answer, or at least, his answer. But what is Sirius' answer? SLASH RLxSB


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, its characters, setting or plots. I do not make money from diluting JK Rowling's pretty world with delicious, delicious slash.

**Warnings:** Language, Slash.

_Author's Note:_ Hi everyone, I completely failed at NaNoWriMo, mainly because I could only seem to write for ongoing stories, and no new ones. Which is sort of good news for those of you that want updates. XD Here's my promised Remus/Sirius fic (formerly known as "Try Again Never"), new and revised. I wanna thank that reviewer again, (one day, I will remember your user name) and I hope that I've done a better job of answering your questions in this version. 8D

* * *

"Remus! Wait!" He called, running after me. I felt my anger multiply with his voice

"Fuck off!" I screamed, Sirius frowned and sped up, grabbing me by the arm

"Moony!" He snapped, pulling me to a halt, I fought against him, trying to pull my arm away

"Let me go Sirius!" I shouted, pushing him away. His grasp slipped and he reached wildly for me, catching the back of my robes. He pulled me back to him and gave me a pleading look.

"Remus, we've got to talk about this!" He cried, shaking me a little

"No!"

"But...Remus, this is stupid. What's wrong with you??"

"Wrong with me?! You're whats wrong with me! I can't do this anymore!" I screamed, he stared at me

"Remus..." he started, trying to pull me towards him. I pushed him away roughly, he tripped on the hem of his robes and slammed into the wall. He lost his breath and slid to the floor, looking up at me with wide eyes.

"You're a dirt bag, Sirius. And you won't drag me down with you anymore." I spat, turning and stalking towards the hospital wing.

o---------o

I sat with Lily at a small table in the west end of the library. She gave me a sidelong glance, worry etched on her features. I looked back at her and sighed

"What Lily?" I asked quietly, she frowned

"James said you and Sirius are still fighting..." She muttered, non-nonchalantly, I perked an eyebrow at her

"Yeah, why do you ask?" I inquired, looking back to my book. She sighed and thumbed her parchment awkwardly

"Just...in case you wanted to talk..." She murmured, I glanced back at her

"Not really, but thanks Lily." I stated. Her resolve was slowly breaking, I could tell. She sighed once more and fidgeted

"What happened?" She squeaked. I set my quill down and looked at her in irritation

"I'd rather not discuss it, actually."

She pursed her lips and sent me a look that clearly said 'too bad'.

I frowned at her and looked at the table.

"We broke up. What more is there to say." I snapped, she looked unperturbed at my revelation of my sexuality, and tsked.

"A lot, really."

"Lily, I really don't want to talk about it. Ok??" I snapped, grabbing my things and exiting. I immediately felt bad for being so rude, but I wasn't going to go back and get sucked into a cross examination.

I sighed and hugged my books closer, hoping to feel comforted. I felt absolutely horrible, like my soul was being torn in half.

I looked up from staring at the floor to find James and Sirius watching me from the end of the hall. James waved a little and looked disheartened when I made no move to respond. He turned and said something to Sirius, who waved him off.

He looked terrible, which made me feel like dirt. I turned and started down a different hallway, completely out of my way, but I couldn't stand going near him.

Someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into an empty Charms classroom. I dropped my books in surprise, Sirius looked at me me and frowned in worry.

"Fuck!" I swore, bending down to gather them back up, Sirius frowned and knelt, trying to help

"Sorry, Moony..." He muttered, I glared, pulling my things away from him.

"Go away, Sirius." I snapped, he sighed and hung his head

"Listen...Remus, I..." He stuttered, I looked at him in fury

"What?" I spat, straightening up

"I..."

I scoffed and started out of the room, he grabbed my arm

"Don't..." He pleaded. I pulled my arm away and looking at him coolly

"Sirius, you made the choice. We're done!"

He paused for a moment and looked at the floor

"I was wrong..." He stated, scuffing his toe against the floor. "I'm sorry, I don't want to be part of anything that doesn't include you!"

I looked at him doubtfully

"Sirius, you said yourself that you're not made for commitment..." I stated, starting to open the door.

"I love you Remus...nothing else matters to me." He whispered, not looking up, I growled and shut the door, whirling around

"Don't. Don't you _dare_ throw that word around, you **fuck.**" I hissed, glaring at him, I frowned as he started to object "I don't want to go through this again. Just leave me be."

I turned back and pulled the door open, but Sirius reached by me and slammed it close, spinning me around and planting his lips on mine. I fought against him, pulling out of the kiss.

"Let me go." I snapped, he stared at me

"No." He stated softly, his eyes starting to tear up "Remus...I was wrong...please...just forgive me. Merlin, I love you so much..._please._" I looked at him for a minute, staring into his eyes. They were dead and the spark I was so used to seeing had vanished completely. Finally, I couldn't take it any more. I looked away and shook my head

"No."

He stared at me with wide eyes.

"What?" He asked, his voice filling with pain. I pushed him away

"I said no."

o---------o

I shivered in the drafty hall. You think Sirius' parents could've afforded better insulation. I couldn't help but smirk at this thought, then the reality of the situation came back to me. It had been almost twenty years since that night. But I could still remember it clearly. On some level, I had always regretted it. But I think I was pretty good at hiding it. The truth is, I never really stopped loving him, no matter how much I hated to admit it. I frowned as I stopped at Sirius' door.

I had to know. I really did. But I wasn't sure if I _wanted_ to.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair before lifting my hand and knocking on his door.

I heard a growl of annoyance from the other side, followed by childish stamping. I cursed myself silently, for not realizing everyone wouldn't be up at three thirty.

The door opened and Sirius glared out

"I swear to god, if this isn't important, I'll--" He broke off and his eyes widened slightly as he realized I was the one knocking on his door. Any trace of irritation vanished from his face and he smiled "Remus..." He breathed. I tried to suppress a shiver and did so quite successfully. "What brings you to my room in the middle of the night?" He asked, opening the door so I could enter, I did so, but not before catching the cocky grin on his face. I sighed

"Sirius...I just wanna talk." I stated, the look on his face turned, dare I say it, serious, and he shut the door. I sat in one of the chairs in the corner and ran my fingers through my hair again, a nervous tic I abhorred. Sirius looked at me and sat down slowly on the edge of his messy bed.

"What's up Remus?" He asked, giving me a concerned look, I frowned

"Sirius...you remember that night...in seventh year...when I caught you with Daisy Hookum?"

o---------o

I was walking through the hall, the library had just closed and I was looking forward to a nice chair by the fire and a warm hug from Sirius. My day had been worse then most, just from the fighting between James and Severus. I had been sent to the hospital wing in fourth period from a stray curse, and I missed most of the class, meaning I'd have to make up the work on top of all my homework and NEWTs pretesting. I turned the corner and headed towards the tower, making a small note to ask Lily for her notes from that class. A noise caught my attention, and my instincts kicked in. I peered around the corner, noting the two people snogging while trying to open the door to an empty classroom. I rolled my eyes and continued on my way

"Oh...._Sirius_...." The girl moaned. I halted in mid-step and my blood ran cold. I turned slowly

"Sirius?" I called, willing the boy to not turn around. But he did. He looked over his shoulder and his eyes widened

"R-Remus??" He stuttered, immediately releasing the girl and starting over. I looked to the floor and backed away

"I...I'm sorry to interrupt." I whispered, Sirius looked at me

"Remus, its not--"

"I'll go now. I'm sorry." I said before turning and running to the tower.

-

I sat on my bed, stunned for a few minutes, before the door opened and Sirius walked in, he knelt in front of me and tried to take my hands. I pushed him away and glared

"Remus...please. I just..." He started, I looked at him with cold eyes

"Just got bored of me?" I spat, he furrowed his brow

"N-no...I..." He bit his lip and sighed "Remus, I...don't know if I can handle being....exclusive..." He stated, cringing at the look I gave him. I took a deep breath and stared him in the eye angrily

"Fine." I stood up and pushed him out of the way, before jogging from the dorm. He caught up to me near the stairwell

"Remus! Wait!"

o---------o

Sirius blinked, not expecting anything like that. His eyes grew sad.

"Y-yeah...I remember..." He said slowly, before looking at me "Why?"

"Because I wanted to ask you something..." I stated, he frowned

"Remus, if you want to know how she was, I never--"

"No. It's not that..." I interrupted, Sirius looked a little relieved and gave a weak smile

"Good...because I--"

"I want to know why you did it." I stated, interrupting him again, he stopped talking and his eyes widened slightly, before looking to the floor with a depressed expression

"I..." He started, before breaking off and sighing "The...way I was brought up...I...never really knew how to deal with love...And...I know thats no excuse for what I did. There _is_ no excuse for something that despicable." He sighed again and looked at me "I...didn't really realize...just how much I loved you...until I saw that pain in your eyes...that look of anguish and betrayal. When I told you..." He paused to sigh "You know." He said quietly, before looking back down at the floor, unshed tears glistening in his eyes.

I looked at him for a second, and then away

"I'm sorry." I said quietly, Sirius looked up and blinked

"What?" He asked, I looked at him

"I'm sorry." I stated again "I should've listened to you, I wasn't fair..."

Sirius couldn't help but smile

"Oh Remus...I'm the one that's sorry. I've hated myself for so long because of what I did to you." He said softly. I sighed and leaned back in the chair, he looked at me and stood, kneeling in front of my again, and taking my hands, I allowed him this time.

"Remus...I am so sorry. I was confused. I...didn't _know_ what that kind of love felt like...I thought something was wrong with me..." He said slowly. "I still can't believe I caused someone so beautiful, pain. I understand why you reacted the way you did, and I would forgive you if you needed forgiveness. But you don't. Remus, you're a beautiful, honest, loving person, and I'm so sorry that I hurt you...I hope that one day...you can forgive me." I smiled a little, despite the circumstances and slipped onto the floor, he looked at me, rather surprised. "R-Remus?" He asked quietly, I reached out and touched his face gently, he blinked, and covered my hand with his own shaking one.

"I...I love you Sirius...I always have..." I said in a whisper, before leaning closer and pressing my lips to his. When I pulled away, he looked at me, shocked, with a smile starting to form on his lips. He pulled me into a tight hug.

"I love you too, Remus...I'm sorry it took that to make me realize..." He whispered softly. I smiled and looked up at him

"I forgive you..."

* * *

There you go! Kind of soppy, but I was in an odd mood there for a while. Sorry 8)

Anywho. Look out for some BlaisexDraco action around here soon.

-Ciao


End file.
